As I am

I read my writings

To know who or what

I want

Wanted

By reading

My

Life

In words

I see my history

View my story

Feel my tears

Re-live my fears

Through the years

I wrote

Made plans

I wrote of pain and sorrow

I wrote of not knowing

Who I was if I was

No longer

Wife

Husband died

Mother

Children grown

Arts administrator

Walked away

These titles were

What I did

That gave my life meaning

I wifed

Took care

Cooked beautiful meals

Decorated

Entertained

Cleaned

Tried to understand

Loved

Loved

Loved

I mothered

Mine and his

Comforted

Cared

Taught

Shared

Loved

Loved

Loved

Career worker, supporter

Wage earner, encourager

My identity wrapped

In these three titles

Try again wifed again

Divorced

I read of the angst

My concern

Did I let God down

Did I disappoint

Will

I ever know love

Or who I am if

I’m no longer how

I identified myself

Now I read those

Words

I hug that woman

I forgive her

I have compassion

For the one that was

Me

Accepted

Friended

Loved

It’s OK to have been

All those feelings and

Identities and losses

Understanding sweeps

Clean the slate

I recognize her in her pain

If I’m not all these

Then who am I

Searching for truth

Realization of doing

Is not being

Trying so hard to please

Succeed

Heal

Be loved for who you were

But even you didn’t know

Who that was

You were too busy doing

Wife

Mother

Career woman

Survivor

Working at being the best

Worrying that you’d failed

Trying to make things right

That probably didn’t

Need doing at all

Placing all your value

On your doing

Never on just rejoicing

In your creative being

The unique being

That you are

Now looking back

From a different

Perspective I
hardly recognize

This woman

Now I say thank you

You got us through

To being who we are today

I’m finally content

As I am

Join Me on my life’s adventure

Pull up a chair and relax awhile